I can hear you already – in that pathetic nasal tone that most of you computer-types all seem to use – “Why should I donate to these Kritzkast people? I’m too weak from my diet of tempeh and tabouli to do anything but breathe for the 17 hours of the day that normal people would be awake and doing things like having a job or drop-kicking wildebeasts. Mr. Saxton, the greatest warrior of our generation, doesn’t even like them, and wishes to actively kill them by throwing sharks at them!” THERE’S PLENTY OF DAMN GOOD REASONS, YOU PATHETIC, UNSHAVEN HIPPIE!
A long time ago, I was caught up in a fight to the death with Boomerang Stevens, one of my business rivals. Just as it was getting to the good part (He had caught my head with a boomerang rifle, while I was just about to land my patented Croco-Hippo-Lion spin kick THROUGH HIS SPINE, AND THEN I WAS…Err, right. Story.), when his lawyer came up and stopped the fight. He said something about “not having the funds to continue both fighting AND making boomerangs at their home office,” and then just left. RIGHT AS IT WAS AT THE GOOD PART OF THE FIGHT! All because their financial department decided that they didn’t have the boomerang-sauce to keep going.
So, while I may be the somethingth-richest man in the country, I can’t just buy them to win our fight – Number A, that would be boring, and letter 2, they’ve repeatedly said “No! Aiiiiieeee!” every time I try. Which means, if you want to see more comic-filling epic battles between myself and these Kritzkast blokes, YOU are going to have to donate to them. I’m the president of MannCo., for crying out loud – I know how many expenses an enterprise can ratchet up. Throw them whatever your measely little man-purses can muster up, SO WE CAN GET BACK TO THE FIGHTING! Now you realise why you want to donate, there are 2 ways of doing this……
- How many times do I need to press F5 to force Jungle Update Day 2?
about 4 hours ago
- Jungle Update has a taster of things to come in TF2. What are you looking forward to seeing in the game?
about 1 day ago
- Oops, sorry @fuzzymellows - I got your name truncated a little there. 😂 twitter.com/KritzKast/stat…
about 1 day ago