The Administrator advised, in accordance with a long tradition of infrequent posts, that I keep this update brief lest I unduly distract any mercenaries from their ongoing, vital objectives.

In a shocking display of activity not involving alcohol consumption, the intrepid Kritzkast hosts have provisionally recruited me, Sic Semper Tyranidus, to write a regular bi-weekly feature on this blog. Their drinking habits and ongoing attendance at the Soviet School for Podkasts, Servers, and Badassery has taught them to disavow such arcane written crafts in favor of arcane vocal ones. Thanks to the stalwart contributions of TF2-infused electrons, TF2-resounding pressure waves, and TF2-imbimbed CH₃CH₂OH, the signal of all things Team Fortress 2 cannot be stopped.

Though my style will surely differ from this established and beloved Kritzkast voice, I will do my utmost to offer the best possible critical musings, humor, and rage on all things Team Fortress 2 and Valve and Steam. For example, did you know that a standard keyboard contains 104 keys yet only 47 keys are default-bound in TF2? Did also you know that the Engineer recently made a concerted effort to lock those 57 unbound keys inside 57 crates with 57 specialty padlocks? His growing paranoia that the Spy might retype and thereby steal his WIKI (Writing Implements as Killing Instruments) Intelligence nearly led to the final TF2 paradox: keys that require keys to unlock them.

So, after narrowly avoiding this infinite TF2 key loop and purchasing a tamper-proof Australium keyboard from Mann Co instead, I would like to begin my tenure with an expression of heartfelt gratitude to Agro, the Burner of the World, who read my submissions to Kritzkast and sought me out. When I don the Lo-Fi every two weeks, prepare for furiously typing fingers. Hear now the hat: “You can’t stop the signal.” Hear now the Australium keyboard: “You can’t stop the keys either!”

Sic Semper Kritzkast. Sic Semper Team Fortress.